How Phone Distraction Increases Teen Anxiety (Instead of Helping Them Cope)
You’re probably well aware of the pitfalls of phones for your teen. There’s the comparison trap, the pressure to stay connected 24/7, cyberbullying, information overload, and sleep deprivation to name a few. But there’s actually a bigger and sneakier reason that teens are currently more anxious than ever before.
When teens feel uncomfortable—sad, bored, anxious, lonely—the phone is often the first place they turn. Scrolling through TikTok, texting friends, or watching YouTube can seem like harmless distractions. And in the moment, they do provide relief. But here’s the catch:
Distraction isn't the same as processing. Distraction can be a very helpful short-term solution to anxiety, but in the long-term it can actually be counterproductive because it allows us to avoid sitting with uncomfortable emotions. The feelings don’t go away, they just get buried until the next time. Distraction doesn’t help us gain the skills of TOLERATING tough emotions like anxiety, boredom, sadness, etc. Furthermore, when we distract ourselves from uncomfortable feelings, we send a message to our brain that we can’t handle those tough feelings. This perpetuates the cycle of anxiety.
Here’s What Happens:
A Difficult Emotion Arises
Let’s say your teen feels excluded from a group hangout. That triggers sadness, maybe some embarrassment or anger.Instead of Feeling It, They Scroll
They check Instagram, dive into memes, or text someone else. This gives a quick dopamine hit—a short-term escape from the discomfort.The Emotion Doesn’t Resolve
Because they didn’t actually process the original feeling, it lingers under the surface. These unprocessed emotions build up over time, leading to increased stress and anxiety.The Brain Learns Avoidance
The more this happens, the more the brain gets conditioned to escape instead of cope. Our brains gets taught that it simply can’t handle uncomfortable feelings. Emotional resilience doesn’t develop, and eventually even small discomforts feel overwhelming.
So how can you help your child learn to process their emotions?
Processing emotions doesn’t mean fixing them or making them go away. It means giving your feelings enough space and attention so they can move through you—not get stuck in you. We spend all of our time trying to avoid emotions, when the reality is, if we gave even a few minutes to sit with them, we’d actually see that they lesson significantly, or even sometimes go away completely.
Here’s a practical 5-step approach your teen (and you) can try:
1. Pause and Notice
The first step is slowing down long enough to actually notice and acknowledge you’re experiencing an uncomfortable emotion.
Ask:
How am I feeling right now?
Where do I feel it in my body?
Even taking 30 seconds to check in can make a huge difference.
2. Name the Emotion
Naming the emotion helps the brain make sense of it. Neuroscience shows that putting words to feelings (“name it to tame it”) lowers emotional intensity. We really underestimate the power of naming our emotions.
Instead of just saying “I feel bad,” try:
I feel anxious / sad / disappointed / embarrassed / angry / overwhelmed.
You can even say more than one at once. Emotions are messy—that’s normal.
3. Observe and describe your physical sensations
Emotions are fundamentally physical sensations. That’s it. When we realize this, it can actually be incredibly comforting.
Describe your physical sensations using non-judmental words. Words like sharp, dull, uncomfortable, etc.
Ex. “I’m noticing my rapid heart beat. I’m noticing my palms are sweaty. I’m noticing my legs feel jiggly. I’m noticing an heavy pressure on my chest.”
4. Allow the Feeling (Without Judgment)
This is where most people get stuck. We often tell ourselves:
“I shouldn’t feel this way.”
“This is dumb.”
“Other people have it worse.”
It’s actually this step that causes the majority of the suffering, not the actually feeling of anxiety. When we try and fight or resist or get upset about our feelings, we feel significantly more anxious. But when we simply allow the feeling, without beating ourself up about it or trying to change it, we paradoxically feel much better.
Try saying:
“It’s okay to feel this.”
“It is what it is right now.”
“This emotion won’t last forever.”
5. Do something to soothe yourself
Once you’ve felt and understood your emotion, you can choose how to respond. This is where coping tools come in:
Journaling
Listening to music
Calling a friend
Going for a walk
Deep breathing or mindfulness
Creating art or music
Crying it out (yes, that’s valid too)
Final Thoughts
Phones give the illusion of comfort—but it’s temporary. Long-term emotional health requires learning to sit with feelings, name them, and move through them—not swipe. And when we as parents can start to teach and model this to our kids, we’ll all feel a whole lot calmer.
